


Not My Cup of Tea

by nightflower_panda



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, British Slang, Crack, Explicit Language, Gen, Ignis Scientia is So Done, Ignis Scientia is a Mess, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightflower_panda/pseuds/nightflower_panda
Summary: In which Ignis returns to British slang when he's annoyed-- I mean, bloody pissed off at life.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Noctis Lucis Caelum, Prompto Argentum & Ignis Scientia
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Not My Cup of Tea

Prompto liked many things about Ignis, but the one thing which really stood out was how _collected_ the man was. Even in a crisis, you could count on Ignis to stay calm and cool - his unruffled demeanour opposite to Prompto's headless flapping - and to effortlessly come up with a level-headed response (or scathingly sarcastic burn). It was something to be admired, really.

So when he'd woken up one morning to the sound of what could only be described as muffled cursing, Prompto was more than a little surprised. 

The blonde, holding his breath for reasons unbeknownst even to himself, had crept to the tent opening and gingerly peeped outside. He could just about make out Ignis' silhouette standing beside the grill, the morning light still dim against a pastel coloured sky.

"Bloody hell, what's wrong with this pissing piece of shit now?!" 

... _A-choco-scuse me?_

Prompto dared to shuffle outside on his hands and knees. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to creep up on his friend... But although he felt like he shouldn't be intruding on what sounded like a personal matter, Prompto was too damn curious not to look. 

"Of all the bloody times to twatting give up! What a load of bollocks!" 

Like an extremely ungraceful ninja, Prompto waddled in a crouching position to behind one of the camp chairs, arms wrapped tightly around his knees as if it helped him to balance. The chair provided absolutely no cover at all, but it was the principle of using it rather than anything else.

Ignis had his head inside the grill now, seemingly tinkering with something underneath the rack. The burner perhaps? Maybe the flame wouldn't light?

Prompto finally stood up, curiosity sated. 

"Need a hand there, Iggy?" 

" _Ah_ \--!" the unexpected voice made Ignis jump, hitting his head on the roof of the grill and accidentally knocking the pan on the hob off and down onto his legs. "Fucking _fuck_!" 

Ouch. Prompto was glad the flame wasn't on and the pan wasn't hot.

"Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, Iggy," the younger man was over in a flash, hands flailing in an attempt to help. "Are you OK?" 

"...bloody _fine_ ," Ignis gritted out, looking like some kind of modern art piece, frozen in place as he looked down his front. "Just got all this crap down my trousers and the bastarding grill's decided to pop off on a jolly holiday."

Prompto laughed awkwardly. He hadn't understood a word of that. 

"Um... Come again?" 

Ignis turned his head with what could only be described as an exasperated look. 

"The bloody grill won't work and I've spilt our breakfast down my pissing trousers," he spoke slowly, enunciating every syllable. "Noct and Gladio will be back any minute now from their damn fishing trip - which we all bloody well know is just a poor excuse for them to go dogging in front of unsuspecting aquatic life - and, for once in the whole of our shitshow of a road trip, I'm not going to have everything perfectly prepared for our pampered prince and the rest of our piss take of an RPG party!"

His voice had become increasingly wild with each word and Ignis took a deep breath, looking slightly hysterical. 

Prompto gulped. 

"Er... I'm gonna admit I didn't exactly catch 100% of what you just said," the blonde glanced over to where they kept their food supplies, "but I'm gonna guess that you've forgotten one part of your morning routine..."

"Really now?" Ignis looked distinctly unimpressed. "And what the bloody hell might that be then?" 

One hand outstretched, as if he was talking someone down from a hostage situation, Prompto kept his eyes firmly locked with Ignis' as he sidestepped over to the food and rummaged his other hand inside one of the bags. 

"...Iggy, I think you forgot your morning coffee."

Ignis paled.

"...I can't believe what a bellend I am."

Then he drank his Ebony, fixed the grill, cleaned up his pants and set up the breakfast, all before the prince and his shield returned, while Prompto cheered him on from the sidelines.

THE END 

**Author's Note:**

> So when I'm writing I try and change a lot of the words I usually use to Americanisms - because 'ass' and 'pants' sound a lot better than 'arse' and 'trousers' for some reason, especially in smut lol
> 
> Then it got me thinking about Iggy's accent and if he sometimes tones down his Britishness for the rest of the guys. 😂
> 
> ..It's not meant to make sense. 🤣


End file.
